omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
did you just send me my own nude
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
