hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
