I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
