Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
