First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
