I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
