I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize