she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
