Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
These tits shall not be calmed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
