i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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