3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
