I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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