any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
