bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
