its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
