Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
