So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
