You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My ass is underappreciated
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize