Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
