I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
