I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
