im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
