why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
