The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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