what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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