its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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