I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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