I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
