my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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