im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize