Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
