can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
