he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
