I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
