I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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