I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
