wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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