belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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