So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
