Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I believe in your delicious
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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