Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Boobs are out for the taking
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
