do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
