Your dad touched me again.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
