Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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