you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize