Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize