My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
