I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
