If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
