Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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