Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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