I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
third nipple confirmed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize