I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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