I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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