oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize