I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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