btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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