also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
