We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
