don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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