You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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