Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
