He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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