Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
